Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
