I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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