He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Alive.
So much puke
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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