fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
