oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
