I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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