it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
