I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
