I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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