google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
