I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Blood and glitter go together right?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
