I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
