When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
