69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
