I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
