so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
