I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I love you. Go after that dick
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
