there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
