planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
