You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Drake has all the answers
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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