idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
