Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
