Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
