my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Panties = found
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
