just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
