I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
