I wish life had little blips of pornography
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Life is so much better after having sex.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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