She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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