i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
