bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
