friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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