i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
