he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
