Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
