I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
