That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she looked like the before picture.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
