new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
