so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
