FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
