Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
