You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
