i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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