he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So much Jack, so little girl.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
