Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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