Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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