Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
