So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
