in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
