i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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