So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
