One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
