is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
