brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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