Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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